Month: June 2018

I’ve always been a writer, but I thought I’d be a mystery fiction novelist...been there (sort of-I have many unfinished books)…...done that (sort of-when edits came back, I let them overwhelm me)…

I’m coming to realize I may be better at pondering real life & not so much the fiction…life is full of rich subjects ripe for the picking, and there are so many online communities out there that are willing to take a journey with me.

We’re all working on improving our lives, if not in big ways, at least in small ones.   Thanks for taking this trip with me & sharing with me…in doing so, we help each other, and that can only be a good thing

 

Feeling like a hamster on a wheel?  Like your mind keeps grinding out the same movie in your head, on one continuous loop?  You’re stuck in a pattern that’s stressing you out.

When I get into a funk, I start focusing more on all that I’m grateful for…be it a loving husband, my dog, or the random bird soaring above me in the sky.  Putting our attention on more positive things will give us a boost.  Even if it only lasts a few minutes, at least you’ve interrupted that film.  It’s like changing the TV channel.  If you don’t like what you see, and it’s bringing you down, then it’s preventing you from feeling just the tiniest bit better.

The object is to take baby steps…don’t try to convince yourself that everything in your world is great, because that won’t work, and you’ll find yourself descending into an even darker pit. 

Think of something (or someone) that brings an instant smile to your face…now focus on that for 10 seconds…maybe even longer if you can…how does it make you feel?  Has your face softened?  Has your heart lightened a bit? 

Allow that feeling to wash over you and take with it the dark cloud of heaviness weighing you down.  Then you can focus better on a solution to whatever it was that had you on the never-ending treadmill to begin with…or maybe it’s not a solution you need, but a burden to be lifted…if you can let it go –in increments– then try it.  You may find that the more time you spend (literally) smelling the roses in the garden around you, the more your shoulders will lift and take you to that next destination of relief.

 

What brings you peace?  Is it watching a sunrise?   A sunset?  Hearing gentle waves of a stream or the crashing sounds of ocean waves?  Is it hearing nothing at all?  Just the stillness of quiet in this world full of noise and distractions….

Whatever it is, make time to experience it…even if it’s but for a few brief minutes out of your day.   In this world of having everything at your fingertips, it’s only a click away…

It’s vital for your mental & emotional well-being.  You can even create a virtual photo album that contains peaceful, calming images.  On my desk at work, I have pictures of a tranquil waterfall and the beach…every time I glance at them, it reminds me to breathe for a second & put myself into that place.  Allow the feeling to restore you.

It may not seem like much, but the effect over time, will grow and keep you just a bit more centered.  Share with me what your serene images are

 

 

 

The ego is a dangerous thing.  It’s that part of our mind we listen to about 95% of the time.  It makes most of our decisions, and it loves that we create ‘noise’ in our lives…distractions such as TV, radio, social media…anything to disconnect us from our heart, because that’s where the real magic lies.

If you take five minutes out of your day to just close your eyes & drown out the ‘noise’ of internal & external dialogue…you’ll connect with your heart.

It doesn’t mean you have to meditate, if that’s not your thing – just sit quietly and take a few breaths.  The noise will fade, and peace will emerge.  Gently ask yourself what you want…the ego will tell you all you should be, do, or have…you should be richer, you should stay in this job you hate…you should do what everyone else thinks you should.  Give the ego the boot!

Take the reins for a few minutes and really check in.  Is there something you’ve always wanted to do?  But you didn’t do it because of some self-sabotaging thought from your ego?

The heart will open up space for you to re-think…’hey it would feel nice if I got that new dress’ or ‘how great would it be to make new memories by visiting that distant land I’ve always wanted to see?”   Open up your world by opening up your heart

So I’m hooked on the ID channel (and now Oxygen, which is trying to be the next ID).  What does this say about me? Lol

Sure, I love mysteries and trying to figure out whodunit, but I fill our DVR with a steady stream of it.  Any new shows (and there’s no shortage of them) get added to the existing lineup.  Is this a reflection something deep down inside me for a need for justice of some kind?  Perhaps.  Is it a way to pass time?  Sure.   Is it well spent?  Probably not.

I’m an insomniac, so I spend at least one weeknight being ‘Sleepless in New Jersey.’  These shows let me pass the time mindlessly, but maybe I need to spend this alone time as ‘me’ time and nourish myself.

Either write (if I’m not blocked!)…read (wait, I barely truly read anymore, it’s all audiobooks all the time)… surf the net…or actually do some soul searching and check in on myself.  Are things running smoothly in my world?  Am I trying to distract myself from what’s really going on?

Time to take a hard look…crack open that heavy door to my emotions…maybe let one out?  Yikes!  That’s too scary…bolt the door so nothing escapes!  Instead, watch the ID show where someone else is running from a crazed killer while you run from your own fears.

But there’s always that window, left unlocked, where the monster creeps in…and you’re left to face it alone.  Look it in the eye…stare it down…even though your limbs are quivering and you bite your lip to avoid showing dread.  It senses your weakness…your eyes dart left and right, looking for an ‘out.’

You could run to the left and crash through a window, with a 3-story dive to the pavement…you could run to the right and fall down 3 flights of stairs…or…..you could roll your shoulders back, stand tall in your own strength, and find the nerve to confront it.

The minute you do, you will notice a slight change at first…the monster’s head will tilt…it’s sizing you up…you’ve confused it because you’re still standing there.   It scratches its head in an attempt to figure out why you haven’t yet fled.  Its size grows smaller, no longer as looming a figure.  This gives you courage, so you take a step forward.  It shrinks back in bewilderment.

You now realize you neglected to lock away all the emotions…Truth remained by your side and now holds your hand.  You’re standing as one, and the monster begins to fade like a pile of ashes blowing in the wind.  They pick up speed and slide back down the bottom of the door you fastened so tightly.  Calm now enters and smiles at you.

And you notice a window, not there before, where the world looks bright and all is now safe.  You faced your fear…now it’s time to open the window and step into the light…..

It’s time to give serious props to my husband.  He’d say he’s not perfect, but he’s perfect for me.  I may not be rich, but I hit the lottery when I found him.  He was a safe place to land in my world of chaos.  And this is the most important part…he gives me what I never got growing up…unconditional love.

I was lucky enough to have a dog growing up, and she gave me unconditional love, but that will be a separate post.  This is about the man who came into my life and rescued me.  I can be my worst or best self with him, because he allows me to be.

I’m moody, selfish, introverted…basically everything he’s not!  I marvel at how he’s able to be blunt and tell people how it is, yet still be likeable!  I spent my life worrying about what people would think of me, how they judge me, am I too fat?

Of course, age has mellowed me a bit…which may be what happens as we grow older.  We care less about what people think and more about how we want the rest of our life to be.  We cut the fat from our lives & concentrate more on the filet mignon…those worthy of our friendship, trust, and love.

Consider this…would you rather wallow around in the neck-deep quicksand of trying to impress those that would push you down even further?  Or focus on those holding their hand out to pull you up?

 

I saw myself the other day on my commute home from work.  The driver in front of me seemed very impatient, riding the bumper of the car ahead of him.  When space allowed, he gunned it, passing on a double line.  Deja vu! 

That was me…it used to be me.  It made me stop & think – I’ve improved my life by becoming a more patient driver (most of the time).  I’m no longer in a hurry to get home…instead enjoying the fact that I’m heading toward home – my sanctuary.

Life’s too important to waste driving recklessly in order to arrive home two minutes sooner.

I think it’s a combination of age and self-reflection.  Saturating myself with motivational audiobooks every day can certainly make a dent in your psyche…if you allow it.  And why wouldn’t you, after all?  Trade anxiety for some peace of mind.  I call that progress.

Yup, I’m a couch potato.  I’m a homebody.  And guess what?  That’s the way I like it!  My home is my sanctuary.   I don’t apologize for that.  I can sit & enjoy the company of my husband or go in another room and contemplate or write. 

We don’t have to be doing something…we can just BE.    How’s that for a concept?  Does it seem foreign to you?  Does it make you feel guilty?  Who’s making you feel guilty?  The answer is…you.   Nobody can make you feel anything unless it’s something you already feel yourself.

So lay on the couch!  Or the recliner…put your feet up…and grab that bag of chips…I’m waiting for you